Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Do I know you?

I'm back, after a month's absence. I did think of marking the occasion by presenting myself with a show-biz type introduction, a bit of that old razzmatazz: a drum-roll; a fanfare of trumpets; fireworks; and a bevy of high-kicking, leggy, sequin-studded, dancing girls; or maybe the more modest, ta-da, it's me again folks! But instead, and true to my real nature, I've chosen to enter discreetly through the back door. Not too much fuss. Not too much bother. Besides, I have no illusions about my importance in the scheme of things.

It's a funny business, blogging. The personal sort at least. It's frequently said that it's narcissism, pure and simple. I thought so too when I began writing online many years ago, though in those days, although realising it was meant in the pejorative sense, I still made it cause for celebration. New to the game, using the Net as a mask, and fully pumped with caffeine, I fostered a pugnacious, I'm a blogger, and yes it is narcissistic, so fucking what? sort of attitude. But it was feigned, totally affected. When your target audience is invisible, unable to look you in the eye, you can be anyone, or anything you choose. But this was not me, nor is it now, not at all.

It would be a rare event to get to know someone fully, simply from online writing. We put our best foot forward when presenting ourselves to the world. We strive to charm, to impress, to attract, but in doing so, we deceive, albeit unwittingly. It's impossible to do otherwise. And even when - as I've occasionally done - we allow a glimpse of our less than noble side, it never fully reveals who we are. That can never be.

No one is whoever you first thought they were.

So here I am. Don't think you know me, because you don't. Just take it on trust, I'm okay.


Michelle said...

Welcome back. *throws streamers about and stuff, blows one of them party horn things*

I know what you mean.. we're never fully ourselves when we're writing out there to all the people in internet land, there's always stuff we leave out.. though perhaps that happens in any situation when we're with people.. *ponders*.. and then there's stuff we exaggerate and (heaven forbid) utterly make up..

I admit I probably thought I kinda know you, from our communications over this weird thing called the internet.. but perhaps I have compartments for knowing someone in the real world.. and knowing someone in the internet world.. they're different.. but still, you're the one who decides how much you wish to reveal.. and I know the real me is a slightly different version of internet me, and that's probably true of most of us addicts :)

So nice to meet you, the internet you, at least. I shan't presume to know you deeper than on that level.

Ronald said...

You make me chuckle with what I imagine is your dry, deadpan humour... loved the intro :-) I realise though, I hardly know you, though for a very long time I presumed to do so. If ever I "do" Prague I'll have a pint with you and find out the truth. All I hope is, you're not a bloke. That would be too much, even for me :-)

Anonymous said...

I admit that your blog is the first ever, and only, personal blog I've been reading. The blogging world I've been involved with is somewhat different from yours. It's much more 'don't look at me, look at my stuff' kind of world. Still narcissistic perhaps, but my humble opinion is that it's lot less so, but who knows. I've never thought of it, to be honest.

I do agree with you about not being able to know the real person from an online writing only. I'm sure there are plenty of bloggers who display themselves as something they think they are, or something they would want to be. So, let's see...the Fruitbatman...what's he like now...entirely bonkers? Pretty close, right?

Anonymous said...

Forgot to say that it would be nice if your next post didn't take 4 weeks to materialize. No pressure :)

Ronald said...

Sari, you're right. It can only be ego and the need for validation that brings us to 'reveal' ourselves on the Net, but that's nothing new I guess. Isn't looking for attention and recognition what we do anyway, and always have done, in an all times? There's nothing wrong with it, but I admit to cringing when witnessing it in extreme form.... hello luvvies, it's moi, in person.... over here.... never mind them, look at me... helloooooo.... HEY? LOOK WHAT IVE GOT HERE.....

lancelonie said...

I like your writing . . . and it's true! So true!

We write and try to show who we are but sometimes it's all about what people perceive who we are.


P.S. Thanks for posting a substantial answer on one of my questions. I appreciate it! :)

Have a good one, Ronald!

Ronald said...

Lancelonie, thanks for the kind words. I do like your blog and already I've commented on other questions posed.