Tuesday, 17 August 2010

The Banes (of my Life)

Migraine. The aural sort. I've suffered with this unpleasant and debilitating intrusion since I was fourteen years old. It first occurred when sitting in a Technical Drawing class, the words and diagrams on the chalk-board (oh how quaint) became obscured in part, as a zig-zag light-show expanded across half of my visual field. It passed, but an hour later I was beset by a savage, sick, headache. It's a total affliction, and not as many seem to think, a headache. It requires darkness, quiet, and rest.


This morning, I suffered my third attack in 24 hours. I was due to visit the dental hygienist too. Oh joy. There's a tendency for one's body to want to sleep when afflicted so, and this was the case as I lay back in the hygienist's chair. As she scraped, polished, and probed (I'm sure I detected a low, sadistic cackling) I was twice awakened by her as my slackening and closing jaws threatened to clamp onto her instruments of torture!


Self-absorption. Typical of, though not exclusive to, introverts. From moment to moment I'm toying with, pushing, pulling, turning up, over, and around, thoughts. I'm rarely "totally out there" (except on special occasions, for instance, when having sex, or juggling). This inwardness accounts for accusations of being "spaced", "a dreamer", or simply, "not paying attention". I have a suspicion my inability, or at least, poor performance at multi-tasking, is due to this constant inner-focus. Not that I want to move too far along the spectrum to the point of being "out there" fully, but the ability to raise my head and shoulders above the parapet of my inner-sanctum, would be progress.


Misunderstandings. These abound in my life. This is related in part, to my self-absorption. Even when conversing, or writing, I have difficulty in getting all of my thoughts out, either verbally or on paper. In my haste to get the words spoken or written, I'll often leave ideas, crucial to the understanding of what I'm saying, in my head. This can have amusing results, but all too often, it creates conflict. Thus I need to exercise what I lack most, patience.


Impatience. In my estimation, a vice, and my worst. I want everything now, if not yesterday. I've tried to ameliorate this desire,but I've concluded it's essentially innate and almost, but not quite, beyond cure.


Impulsiveness. Linked to impatience. Self-restraint is not my forte. I've had a measure of success, but at those times when I'm not at my best, the wisdom of stepping back, allowing time to think, goes out of the window. I jump. My inwardness and impatience prevent me from digesting information fully, and I get the "wrong end of the stick"; in fact, I can miss the stick altogether, and grasp something totally different, something conceived in my imagination only. If I'm in a "delicate" conversation, problems may ensue.


Lay psychological analysis. I can't help this one. It's "what I do". It's fun, but can be fraught with danger. I quote from Wikipedia; To criticise does not necessarily imply to find fault, but the word is often taken to mean the simple expression of prejudice or disapproval. It's a risky business engaging in such a discipline, but like I say, it's what I do. Other's go white-water rafting, or bungee-jumping. Oh the adrenalin rush...


When I began writing this post, I expected to fill it with a veritable gallimaufry of trivial annoyances and pet-hates. But it seems, all of my issues in life are primarily internal. Is that good or bad? Hmmm....

7 comments:

Sari said...

I used to think that migraine is just a headache with a different name. But since then I've known soooo many people who suffer from it that I've realized it's not just another headache. So I sympathize. I read once that left handers would be more susceptible to migraines. For the life of me I can't remember why. Duh.

Ronald said...

Sari, I once read also, that left-handers were prone to be gay. So I'm not so sure as to the verity of the migraine claim. I do know it hurts though. Cheers!

Michelle said...

Oh.. sympathies on the migranes. It sounds pretty awful.. I can image.. and not being a sufferer only imagine how awful the incunabulum of a new migrane must feel.. hope yours goes away fast and quite frankly stays away..

Um.. yeah. Some of it sounds familiar.. and as one self absorbed lacking in patience whiny whiner to another.. I deal with that too.. it's soooo haaard.. *makes it all about self and stuff* well you didn't necessarily say anything about whining but it's sorta implied by self absorbed... and I read this blog :)

Ronald said...

Chuckle. Congrats on slipping an incunabulum in there :-)

But hey, less of the whiney, you cheeky blighter*. I don't whine so much as sing... there's a world of a difference :-)

* Posher than "fucker"

Michelle said...

How'z this for a word? geessei...

the best thing about it, it's made up (or rather randomly generated by blogger) so you can assign whatever meaning you want to it! The best kind..

Ronald said...

Cool, but I like making my own up. As I write, the word, "throbbleknocker" springs to mind. Maybe though, I ought to have saved it for a post on made up words?

Michelle said...

funnily enough.. the wvw (word verification word) that pops up now is "couldent".. which sounds suspiciously like a real word, and not like those not words that sound like real words but a word that people use although without the apostrophe which people have trouble getting right anyway...

you can still use that word for it's own post you know...